I used to think having insomnia meant that you didn’t sleep at all for a certain amount of time.

I looked it up today. Insomnia is not a stand-alone disease or diagnosis. It’s a symptom. Someone experiences insomnia if they have a hard time going to sleep or if they can’t seem to get good, continuous sleep. If an individual experiences these symptoms for 3+ weeks, they are said to have “chronic insomnia.”

Hmm.

Fuck. I have chronic insomnia.

Lately, I have been tired as hell because I haven’t had a decent night of sleep in a while. The best rest I’ve had recently was on Saturday when I knocked out on my Mom’s couch for an hour.

Regardless of how exhausted I feel, I just can’t go to bed. I mean, I try to. I really do. I’ve tried going to bed at 9pm, but end up tossing and turning for countless hours. Watching TV doesn’t help. Neither does reading a book. Hell, I didn’t even fall asleep until 4:30 this morning only to get a few hours of sleep before having to get up and start my day.

It sucks! I can’t even stay asleep on nights when I party hard. I go to bed late and wake up way too early. I lay in bed for hours frustrated because all I want to do is sleep.

So I decided, FUCK IT. No point in trying to make myself sleep because all I do is get irritated. And in all honesty I’m tired of thinking that bitching about it will make a difference. I’m going to sleep whenever my body feels like it. If that means in the car when I’m not driving, then that’s what I’ll do. If it’s only a few hours a night, I’ll take it. If that means falling asleep during boring conversation, at least I now have a valid excuse.

I’m glad there’s a 24-Hour Fitness and a 24-hour Wal-Mart right next to where I live. At least now I’ll try to be productive instead of staring at absolutely nothing, praying for sleep. It’d be awesome if I could take care of the lawn in the middle of the night (because I have no other time to really do it), but I don’t think I could pull that off without making the neighbors thinking I’m a crackhead.

I should try to look at this as a positive. You know how everyone constantly says there are not enough hours in a day? Heyyyyyy! Just get yourself some INSOMNIA! You’ll gain hours to get all that other shit done!