I’m convinced that people with huge titties lose some feeling in them.

Hmm … maybe I should explain my thought process on this.

My weekend started off with Oktoberfest in Torrance, CA. I’ve never been to an Oktoberfest festival before, so I was pretty excited for it. Parking was a bitch. The line to get in was a bitch. And then we got inside and guess what we saw? More lines! Lines if you wanted to buy the souvenir mugs. Lines to the bathroom. Lines to get beer. This shit is worse than an amusement park.

To the beer! We found our place in the beer line and waited patiently while people-watching. A group of people stood in line behind us. Directly behind me a bigger girl with some massive guhzungas stood. She was loud. She was obnoxious. I’m not even sure she was drunk yet.

For the next 20 minutes I kept getting shuffled around – stepping back to let people through, getting close to my friends so others could get through behind me, and … and getting treated like a motherfuckin’ bra.

Every time the girl behind me moved, her titties made me their bitch and smacked me around a bit. They’d be pushing in my back, or they rested on my shoulders.

I felt like Katt Williams with Shaq.

What the hell? Did she not feel her boobs pushed in somebody else’s back? I had to consciously stand up straight in order not to fall face forward.

I didn’t know what to do. What was I going to say? “Bitch, control your titties!”? If her boobs were knocking me out without her even realizing it, just think of the harm she could do to me if she really wanted to.

Eventually, I moved myself to a different part of the line, away from the monster-boobs.

And that was the highlight of Oktoberfest in Torrance.

A place with my friends and an excuse to drink lots and lots of beer? Sounds like a normal weekend to me, except I don’t have to stand in ridiculous lines. I probably won’t be going to another Oktoberfest unless it’s in Germany.

——-

Last night, I attended the Best In Drag Show charity event held by Aid For Aids at the Orpheum theater in Los Angeles. It was fun and entertaining, but lasted a little too long in my opinion. It was hosted by Kathy Griffin, who was also a judge alongside other celebrities including Charlie Sheen, Molly Shannon, John C. Reilly, Holland Taylor, and Jennifer Coolidge.

Pretty Awesome.

Here, I also saw lots and lots of titties … but most were fake. Aid For Aids is an awesome organization that provides assistance to individuals living with HIV/AIDS who need it. It was definitely an entertaining show and I recommend attending the show next year. Keep it in mind, because every year the tickets get sold out quicker and quicker.