Back in July I posted the following bulletin on MySpace:

So I was watching Season 2 of Carlos Mencia the other day (I bought the dvd set a while ago, but just haven’t gotten around to watching all the episodes). He told the women in the audience that he’d honestly answer any men-related question for them. One lady asked, “Why are men such assholes?” His answer? “Because…..you women….only fuck assholes.”

I love Mencia. He’s the shit. He says shit that we all are thinking…but we don’t verbalize for whatever reason. He’ll make fun of every race …and doesn’t give a fuck about political correctness. Sometimes I even gotta stifle my laughter because it’s something I “shouldn’t” be laughing at. Anyways. Hilarious.

So anyways….my question…or set of questions..

Why is it that women like assholes? Is the same true for men? Do guys like bitches? What is it? Is it the challenge?..wanting someone u can’t fully have? And how much of the “asshole-ness” do u put up with? Is a “heartbreaker” really that appealing? Or do you gotta be a dick just to keep ur bitch on her toes….to keep shit interesting? What? What happened to just having a good time with someone minus the muthafuckin drama?

Obviously my thoughts are all over the place on this subject…I have my theories…and I have a ton of shit to say about this..

…BUT…

..I wanna hear yours first. Give me feedback. Just hit “reply” or email a bitch @ raych@raych.com. Also, tell me if being a dick has worked for u…and on the flipside, if bein the “nice guy” gets u no play…or maybe even if it’s worked.

JUST HIT ME UP!

I also brought it to work and presented the question to damned near everyone: co-workers, guys, girls, the muthafuckin’ guys that deliver shit to my job, old people, young people, etc. I actually got some pretty good feedback.

THE CHALLENGE
Overall, most said that the attraction towards assholes is because it presents a challenge. It’s not that anyone goes out there and says, “Hmm. He looks like an asshole. I wanna hump him.” It doesn’t necessarily work that way. But when a girl can easily get a guy with little or no work at all …. where’s the fun in that? I mean, it might be cool for a little bit, but then it just gets boring quick.

Of course a girl wants to have a guy that adores her and that will walk the ends of the earth for her … but she wants to work for it. WTF? Yeah, I know. Sounds retarded. But it’s true.

WE WANT WHAT WE CAN’T HAVE
A different answer was that it’s human nature. We naturally want stuff we can’t have. Think back to when you were a kid. Your mom gave your little brother one of your old toys that you don’t play with anymore. Fine. You’re cool with it. But once you see lil’ bro playing with it, you suddenly want it back. Yeah, you outgrew it, but it not being yours drove you insane.

But my question is: is it what we can’t have or what we don’t have? Because if it’s what we CAN’T have, then why go through the misery if it’s unattainable?

CURIOSITY
There was also an interesting point presented from my sis. I’ll just show you her response:

It’s their egos that cause them to evolve from being that cool confident guy to becoming the asshole. They show off that fact that they can be a jerk to a girl and still make her drool over him…and not only does this make the guys give him props but it makes the other girls wonder too…like , “…even though he’s being a dick toward his gf why does she put up wth it? There must be something about him that’s worth dealing with tht b.s…”, and so the cycle lives on…and if the current girl possibly dumps the dick…he’ll get another girl that’ll put up with his shit for a period of time.

Good observation, sis. It’s curiosity. Apparantly, dumb bitches make all the other girls curious … and that’s how all the assholes end up with all the chicks.

SELF-ESTEEM
…sometimes a girl will get with an asshole because her self-esteem is shit. They feel they don’t deserve better and they let that get the best of them. They stay in some bullshit relationship because they think it’s the best thing they’re gonna get. Blah. That sucks…

CONFESSIONS OF A NICE GUY …
A couple of my friends were former “nice guys.” Wait, lemme re-phrase that. They’re still really awesome guys, but they’ve learned to play the game. One of these guys is an older man at my work. This guy is crazy! But guess what? This man is pimpin’! He has like 4 chicks and 3 cell phones. A couple of these broads even know about each other. On his birthday, this fool had one chick on each side of him giving him kisses, fighting over him. HELLA PIMPIN’! Apparantly, he used to be the super-nice guy for girls. That got him absolutely nowhere. Now, it’s the opposite. He’s an asshole. It’s okay, I can say that. He knows it. I remind him every time he tells me a story about one of his girls.

I also got the same type of response from a younger guy. I don’t wanna put his game on blast, so let’s just call him ED. Ed was the nice, polite guy. He opened girls’ doors, was reliable, and was dependable. You know where that got Ed? The dreaded FRIENDZONE! Heh. And he couldn’t get out. He stayed there. So what did he do? He became unreliable. He didn’t call girls when he said he would. In his words, “playing the nice guy card will get you nice friends.”

CONFIDENCE
I was also corrected when my bro wrote me that,

it’s not so much that women only dig assholes (not literally), as much as it is they dig guys with a backbone and a bit of personality, someone interesting.”

Here’s the rest of my brother’s response … just because it’s a good one. He’s so smart. =)

let’s face it, nice guys finish last because nice guys aren’t interesting: he does exactly what she wants, he gives her everything she asks for, no questions asked, no challenge presented. this is great for the princesses who only needs a credit card with a penis. but once she runs out of things to ask for, he’s nothing left to offer her.

truth is, however, chicks don’t really want the assholes, either. women, like everyone else, in the end want a normal, stable, middle-of-the-road, sane guy. so why do the assholes win out?

before we as people really mature, our lives are one big set of polars.we either don’t drink at all or binge on a keg a night for a straight month. we’re either steeped in dreadful sobriety or going to raves taking every imaginable drug known to man simultaneously. we’re either staying up for days at a time of hibernating for days at a time.

and so it goes for relationships. the nice guys are taken for a test spin, but that soon gets boring, and those nice guys are soon dropped. to contrast that, the assholes are then coveted. and they give her what she wants: conflict, drama, a challenge, something interesting, and a fat satisfying dick to put between her legs. be wary, though, honey, you’re little more than a juicy fuck for this guy. he doesn’t respect you and isn’t looking to keep ya long term. you ever hear “you can’t make a ho a housewife”? goes both ways.

so, fellas, have a damn backbone. be interesting. don’t be a doormat. keep your bitch in check. be your own person, for fuck’s sake. do it now before you find yourself paying for her new dooney and bourke purse and taking care of her illegitimate kids while your neighbors gang bang her on video in your own bedroom.

LOTTO
I really liked one of the things one of my friends wrote me, so I’ll close with that…

RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE PLAYING THE LOTTO…

WE DESPERATELY WANT TO BE A WINNER BUT WE KNOW IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WE PLAY AND PLAY THINKING WE HAVE THE WINNING NUMBERS THEN IT HITS YOU LATER THAN SOONER THAT YOU’RE NOT THE WINNER. BY THAT TIME WE HAVE WASTED MONEY, TIME, AND EFFORT.

. . . . .

I’M STILL HOLDING OUT ON WINNING THE LOTTERY THO…

… me too, bruh. Me, too.

Is it just me, or is a lot of today’s slang simply retarded? For instance,

- “What it do?”
- What the fuck is that? What does what do? My hand? It smacks you upside the head, son!

- “What’s good?”
- My answer to this? My corny-ass self will soon start answering shit that will throw people off and lead them to believe that I’m the retard. “Chicken Adobo! Hell, it’s not just good … it’s fuckin’ bomb!”

Slang … I get it, I understand it. It just needs to be used in moderation. The problem is that people wear the fuck out of a saying or word that it becomes shit to your ears. It’s like that one song that you really do like, but hearing it 53 times daily on the radio causes you to hate the damned thing. So just calm down on your shit. Mix it up a little bit and use a handful of different phrases instead of the one.

Too much of anything isn’t good. Too much food, you get fat. Too much sugar and you’re a toothless muh-fuh-kah with too much damned energy. And yes, there’s such a thing as too much beer. Too much beer and you got yourself a beer belly that you can’t seem to get rid of.

I also believe that you shouldn’t spend TOO much time with one person. I’m not saying you should go run around on the person you’re with. I’m talking about the amount of time you’re around that person. If you’re in a relationship, too much time together can cause you to hate each other. Hah. Sound bad? Enh, it’s just my opinion. I was in a relationship where the other person just suffocated the shit outta me (not literally, of course). Can I get some time to myself please, bee-yotch? That’s why everyone needs their friends. That’s the whole thing behind “boys night out” or “girls night out.” Everyone needs something that they do on their own, without their partner. It works the same with my relationship with my mom. I love my mom so much but if we spend too much time together, we clash. That’s why it was difficult for both of us when I was living at home. Now that I’m not there, the relationship is BEAUTIFUL. =D

Where the fuck were you going with this, Raych?

Um … oh yeah. Too much pride. Pride is a good thing, but too much of it is a bitch. People have too much pride to admit when they’re wrong … too much pride to get over something that happened in the past … and too much pride to just get over themselves and realize that they’re not the only one hurting or suffering in a relationship. What sucks worse is when two people who love each other have too much pride to step beyond the wall they’ve both built to admit that despite the bullshit they put each other through, they love each other. (sigh) Yeah, it’s just stupid family drama I’m describing.

I guess that I’ve learned that life is too fuckin’ short. I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t want to go through life regretting shit … especially when it comes to people. Be honest. Don’t let your pride get the best of you. You don’t want to wait until someone is gone to decide that you had something you needed to tell them … especially if it’s telling them that you love ‘em.

Life just wouldn’t be LIFE without all its complications.

It’s funny because I know everyone thinks that it’s just their life that sucks. Everyone sometimes thinks that everyone else is living their lives so simply. FYI: It ain’t just you. Everyone deals with their own bullshit. Hell, a larger percentage of the population probably has it worse off than you. Now, I’m not saying not to cry and complain, because HEY — you’re probably entitled to do so. All I’m trying to say is do your’re bitching, but then get over it. Life is too fuckin’ short to keep feeling sorry for yourself. Oh well. Shit happened. You got fucked over. Ain’t shit you can do about it now. Move on. Figure out what you need to do with your life and DO IT. And I’m not gonna lie … crying will probably get you somewhere. People will feel sorry enough for you and try to carry you through life .. but in the end, crying will only get you so far. In the end, it’s all on you.

So yeah. I’ve had a mighty long absence from the Internet. What happened? Life. Life just happened. Events occurred that I almost wish didn’t .. almost. But I don’t. You can’t regret shit. Everything’s an opportunity to learn something. I learned a lot. What did I learn? That no matter how long you’ve known somebody, or how well you may think you know somebody, chances are there is still a lot you have to learn about them. You only know what someone decides to show you, to share with you .. and even then, it’s up to you to decide if it’s all the truth or not. Oh. And have you ever gotten those “bad feelings,” or “gut feelings” … or .. what’s the fuckin’ word? …. a certain intuition with certain things? Yeah. Don’t ever disregard those. Learn to tune into them and trust in them.

Recent events have made me want to stay away from people I guess I want to do that in order to protect my own feelings. But then I think about it, and I can miss out on knowing some pretty fuckin’ awesome people if I do that. Life is about chances. You take some risks, and yeah, you get fucked the majority of the time. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll take a chance one day that’ll be so beneficial that it’ll make all those other fuck-ups well worth it.