Last night after work, I made a stop at Target and bought a dental pick, a dental scaler, more floss, more mouthwash, travel-sized mouthwash, and a travel toothbrush container. I even bought some little toothpick brushes that i’m pretty sure I can’t use because I don’t have A) braces, B) dentures, or C) big enough spaces in between my teeth.

Fuck it, I’m sure I can use them somehow to keep my teeth clean.

As soon as I got home I went crazy on my teeth. I’m sure my gums hate me today, but at least they’re healthier. From now on, along with my wallet and BlackBerry, I will always have a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, and mouthwash on me.

I’ll be damned if poor oral hygiene prevents me from getting things I want / need.

Like a new HDTV.

Literally.

This subject came up a little too often this past week. I think it’s because we all were making more trips to the bathroom because of all the excess food and alcohol consumption . . . or at least trying to.

You know what sucks? Not being able to poop.

You know what sucks more? Not being able to poop on the one weekend you allow yourself to eat your weight in food.

Ok, that was a little TMI. But this entire post is about poop.

Most of my friends and family are not embarassed of the subject. At all.

Different things heard this weekend:

“Ohhh, my stomach.”

“Look, I’m 14 months pregnant”

“I haven’t shitted yet. This sucks.”

“Who farted?”

“(wipes brow) I feel better.”

“Hey Raych, this is for you: (pfffttt!)”

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”

“Ugh. I gotta go again.”

“Bitch! Did you light a match?!”

“Did it float?”

“My shit drowned.”

Naturally, with so much shit-talkin’ goin’ on, the subject got discussed a little further.

My friend started telling us about healthy poop.

Here’s what we learned about healthy poop:

1. Is yellow or light brown in color
2. Has a good consistency – soft, but not too soft
3. Does not have an extremely strong odor
4. Floats (because it is 70-80% water)

Interesting. That conversation now has all of us looking at our poop … and getting excited when it floats.

Thanks, man.

But really, if yours isn’t healthy, Google it and find out what’s the problem.